{"id":2466,"date":"2019-08-20T05:00:47","date_gmt":"2019-08-20T15:00:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/thecurbkaimuki.com\/2019\/08\/20\/molecular-coffee-just-got-2-6m-in-funding-from-impossible-burger-investors\/"},"modified":"2019-08-20T05:00:47","modified_gmt":"2019-08-20T15:00:47","slug":"molecular-coffee-just-got-2-6m-in-funding-from-impossible-burger-investors","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thecurbkaimuki.com\/2019\/08\/20\/molecular-coffee-just-got-2-6m-in-funding-from-impossible-burger-investors\/","title":{"rendered":"\u201cMolecular\u201d Coffee Just Got $2.6M In Funding From Impossible Burger Investors"},"content":{"rendered":"

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Earlier this year, we reported on the existence of Atomo Coffee<\/a>, a \u201cmolecular\u201d coffee that has, inexplicably, no coffee in it. Back in the halcyon days that were February, before Atomo\u2019s Kickstarter had lapped its $10,000 Kickstarter goal a few times over, the only worry you had about \u201cwhere\u2019s the coffee in my coffee?\u201d was if you tripped and fell into the condiments bar. But things have quite literally gotten 1,000 times worse, as Atomo Coffee<\/a> has just received a $2.6 million investment from Horizon Ventures<\/a>, who just so happened to also be an early investor in Impossible Foods<\/a>, makers of the Impossible Burger.<\/p>\n

The Impossible Burger has been in the news as of late; the lab-grown \u201cveggie\u201d burger that actually bleeds has found a home at Burger King<\/a>, taking this whole getting-too-close-to-Soylent-Green-for-my-taste experience to new levels. And now Horizon Ventures is getting into the \u201ccoffee\u201d game. As reported by Grub Street<\/a>, with this new round of funding, Atomo will be that much closer building their hot brown beverage \u201cfrom the bottom up, using the building blocks that comprise it, including quinic acid, dimethyl disulfide, niacin, 2-ethylphenol, and a handful of other elements,\u201d and doing it on a much, much larger scale.<\/p>\n

According to the article, Atomo states they are not trying to \u201cdestroy the coffee industry,\u201d but \u201coffer a sustainable alternative,\u201d which is a weird way to say \u201c make it even harder for the already struggling farmers to sell their crops for a profit<\/a>.\u201d<\/p>\n

The Impossible Burger comparison is low-hanging fruit, because Impossible are the investors here, and because we\u2019re talking about a lab grown thing replacing a real world thing, but that\u2019s pretty much where the comparisons end. I\u2019m fine\u00a0with a meatless burger made to taste like meat; people need to stop eating so much meat, like, yesterday, both for health reasons and to try and temporarily slow<\/a> the all-knowing global fuck<\/a> that is our coming climate change<\/a> apocalypse. (The bleeding<\/a>, though, is still extremely weird. \u00a0If you\u2019re eating a burger, meated or otherwise, for the blood, then you\u2019re a monster.)<\/p>\n

But coffee replacement tech like Atomo reeks of global techno imperialism. It looks at today\u2019s global coffee crisis\u2014further exasperated by yes, more climate change\u2014and says, \u201cGosh, you know what would be great? Let\u2019s just cut out that pesky farmer from the equation.<\/em>\u201d There\u2019s nothing left to feel bad about! What could be better?<\/p>\n

Lab engineered coffee means nothing good for the environment or humanity, least of all for the farmers upon whose livelihood the coffee trade depends. It means only more money for western tech dorks with Mike Judge\u00a0Silicon Valley<\/em> sounding start-up names, and less delicious product in the cup.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s a future in which a GenMod Impossible Clone Cow (Bovine Engineering Scientific SYstem, or B*E*S*S*Y*) gets a full dose of Atomo in a freak lab accident, gains cognitive sentience, organizes the rest of the cloned cows, and leads a GenMod ungulate army in a war against humanity. We are hurtling towards that future now and these Atomo chuds are lining their pockets along the way. Whose side will you choose?<\/p>\n

Drink real coffee instead.<\/p>\n

Zac Cadwalader<\/a>\u00a0is the managing editor at Sprudge Media Network and a staff writer based in Dallas.\u00a0 Read more Zac Cadwalader\u00a0on Sprudge<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n

The post \u201cMolecular\u201d Coffee Just Got $2.6M In Funding From Impossible Burger Investors<\/a> appeared first on Sprudge<\/a>.<\/p>\n

\nSource: Coffee News<\/body><\/html><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"